Marcus Stegmaier, M.A.

Published on


22nd April 2010



“Advaita for parents”


Did “we“ have a functioning mind in the moment of conception in the mother‘s womb? Obviously not. “It‘s a boy!“, “It‘s a girl“ - a baby is born and the happy parents take the little human being to their home and what was as couple before is now a family.


The baby grows and moves without having a mind, and it makes sounds without any help of a mind - this is obvious to everybody. The baby seems to be part of nature without having a “functioning“ mind, it appears more like an animal than a human being. In the beginning the parents love their babies unconditionally.


Man is not aware of the moment when his mind - for the first time - looks at the child believing the illusion that the child is now a “mind-controlled“ human being and not a kind of animal any more. In this moment labels arise in the parent‘s mind: “good child“ and “bad child“. The love to their children begins to be complemented by its opposite: rejection or even hatred. And the parents begin to give instructions and advice for the “right“ behaviour. At a certain point in the growing-process most parents start to feel anger or hatred against their beloved ones from time to time.


When and why does this happen? It happens when and because the parent‘s mind is gripped by the illusion that the child controls its bodily movements intentionally. And the parent‘s mind assumes the child to have a “functioning“ mind when the sounds which it utters appear as words. Now the child seems to be a doer, speaker and thinker and the parent‘s duty is accepted to be the shaping, molding and forming of the child‘s “personality“.


“You are old enough to know what's right!“ There are many concepts about what children should be capable of doing, saying or thinking at a particular time of their growth. Many parents begin to search for educational methods and the psychological market offers many. There is no doubt that parents mean well, and - in the name of love - punishment and rewards, as well as their verbal equivalents blame and praise, enter the relationship between parents and their children. This is nobody‘s fault, this is what is meant to happen, because the parents believe themselves to be responsible for the behaviour of their children. And it is commonly believed that only a “good child“ will be happy and sucessful in life.


The mind is not capable of controlling life, the function of the mind is to reflect an illusion of individuals in an illusory world of time and space. In this show conducted by life man appears to be the doer, speaker and thinker. Man is in fact a sophisticated animal making just sounds. If these sounds appear as “real“ words controlling body and mind, man seems to be in trouble. If words are understood to be illusory, the illusion of sound could be enjoyed.


Life unfolds spontaneously without following the instructions of the mind. This understanding allows parents to love their children unconditionally again.


Quote Dr. Vijai Shankar: “Life makes the mind happen.”


© Copyright 2010 Marcus Stegmaier, M.A.



Back to article page


back to articles page