Conversation: Marcus Stegmaier with a friend (X)
X: I wrote out the question and noticed you didn't recieve it. It was good that you didn't. Smile.
M: Whatever is received, it is received - such is life.
X: Well here it goes again. Feeling that one foot is stuck and the other foot is free. Still getting trapped by the mind in that I am being lived through and not being the doer - I still get frustrated and disappointed that I am being lived a certain way whether I like it or not. Not liking the role. The role is not a likeable character.
M: For example...?
X: I am not motivated towards any goal as such. Towards a better career or lifestyle. Desire success but not chasing it. Desire to lose some weight but not doing anything about it. Wanting to eat healthy but still eating junk food. The list goes on. I spend money on things I don't need and wastefully at best. So the understanding is that I am not the doer or thinker. But whatever is living me - I don't like - smile. And I can't do anything about it.
M: Comparison is the disease of the mind!!!
X: It is. I understand but the mind still compares.
M: This is what life wants you to understand.
X: In a world where everyone I know compares.
M: Life is incomparable, always new and fresh - yet everybody's mind compares! It's its basic function.
X: Yes. So it is functioning that way. So now what?
M: Yes. Nothing wrong with it.
X: The mind is all I have.
M: Life is all you are! And the mind gives life to you through understanding that it is just a mind's story!
X: If life is what I am - why do I not like it? Which is the mind again having a commentary.
M: Life is not what your mind tells you, don't forget. You don't like your mind. It is not the case that you don't like life.
X: Yes. I don't like whatever the mind is telling me or showing me. It is not life that I don't like - but that is just a thought. Any info I receive is through the mind.
M: The ego is very powerful and it becomes more powerful when we are with friends who believe the messages of their minds. I understand. We ask ourselves: How could i be free in a world of bondage?
X: I have given up on freedom. Sages have reached that point but there are so few. The masses including me are still bound by our thoughts. Some thoughts don't bother me but there are some that. That is still bondage.
M: If you really would have given up on freedom, you would be free!
X: I don't seek freedom. I don't seek. There is nothing there. Freedom is just a word. An illusion. Like happiness. If life is thoughtless and timeless how could one know? They can't.
M: True happiness, true freedom, is not just a word. And it is nothing knowable. Let's get back to your "lifestyle". Freedom is: to accept any health you are meant to have now. Freedom is: to be at peace with not doing sports as much as you "should". Happiness is: to enjoy being where you are, because of the understanding that it couldn't be different.
X: Yes. Thanks for that. I am at an impasse. The impasse is that I am not at peace with the things that are done through me. That is it. That I am not enjoying where I am. I realize it is the mind that wants to be elsewhere. The grass is greener on the other side etc. That is a trap. It is like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
M: Good. So accept and let life flow. Just witness your mind. Believe me, my mind is as crazy as your‘s and anybody else's.
X: Good to hear. I thought it was just my mind. It is nutty.
M: I know you thought that, but this not the case.
X: The co workers and friends who are not into this at all - seem more sane than me. Yes they have problems etc - but it appears they got it more together than I. Better job, manage money well, good families. Comparison is the disease of the mind - comparison- comparison
M: They seem sane to you - it is just your projection. You will become aware that other's minds are as crazy as yours the more you understand your mind by just witnessing it with love, care and understanding! It is nothing personal. Coma-prison is the best version i think! The mind is in a deep sleep (coma) of beliefs - this is the prison.
X: O.k. Thanks for everything. I still read and listen to the cd's and the mind is still nuttier than never and seems not to settle. There is steadiness at times but for the most part - it seems all the hours spent have been futile. Of course the mind blames me. I am not smart or intelligent enough.
M: You did not give up on freedom, not at all!! That's not bad, yet understand: Freedom is not attained through will-power. Just to inform me: What do you think is wrong with your job and your family? You have a daughter, don't you?
X: I have two daughters. My job is a great job. But because of my advancing age and lack of drive for success there are limitations. I am a musician. And it seems those who are my colleagues are getting better jobs and making more money etc. Maybe if I try harder and go after things it would be better for me. But I don't.
M: Thanks for information. Freedom is at hands when you just accept your life, my friend! It is simple to be a sage! You love the music more than the success - that's rare, isn't it?
X: Yes. Sage is simple???? Why so few??? Shankar seems so steady and so full of understanding and wisdom. You too. I feel like a dark cat in a dark room full of rocking chairs.
M: It may appear hard for the mind, but it is simple: You love the music, you don't make a means out of it, isn't it?
X: Yes. I do music. Loving it I am not sure. It is what is happening. I know I do not not like it. I have wonderful songs and compositions. But as I stated that success is measured by money and what songs are on the hit charts. It seems opportunities are not happening to me right now. But accepting it is the key.
M: The absence of opportunities is the opportunity to understand, to accept and to be free forever, even when opportunities may come some day. Enjoy the music which comes through you - it's such a magic. You can't deny. How the body moves, how sound is made by the instrument, how the voice comes out as air - just wind transforming into music. The willingness to be ordinary is what makes a sage extraordinary - it is simple!
X: Yes it is. Truly a miracle. Thanks so much for sharing. I must go and teach a piano lesson. Chat later. Enjoy.
M: O.k. have a nice time! It never comes back again. Love, Marcus
X: One thing - don't really understand that it is simple to be a sage. But take care. Chat later.
M: From moment to moment you are aware that it is the best to enjoy what life gives you - isn't that simple?!
X: Yes. Without paying attention to the mind's chatter it would be simple. But so few do that. Or I should say so few it happens to.
M: Don't miss the show while wanting another one - it is too precious. And it is wise to pay attention to the mind - lovingly and with understanding. No need to turn away from the mind.
X: Okay. Will ponder that. Take care, gotta go. Thanks once again.
M: Bye.
X: Bye.